The Dignity Index: A Research-Based Guide to Better Conversations

What does it take to build trust through conversation? Tami Pyfer, Chief Impact Officer at UNITE and co-creator of the Dignity Index – a research-based 8-point scale that scores language from contempt to dignity – has spent years studying why some conversations bring people together and some drive them apart. In this webinar, Janice Brunner, Group General Counsel and Head of Civic Engagement and Corporate Affairs at Travelers, and Pyfer dig into what the research shows and what we can do differently when the stakes feel high and the divides feel wide. 

This discussion is part of our Civic Conversations series in which Citizen Travelers^SM – Travelers’ industry-leading, nonpartisan civic engagement initiative – and the Travelers Institute^® are teaming up to host conversations among leading thinkers in the areas of civic engagement and civic learning. Stay tuned for more discussions featuring thought leaders in this dynamic space, and thank you for supporting Citizen Travelers at the Travelers Institute.

Learn more about Citizen Travelers.

Please note: Due to the nature of the replays, survey and chat features mentioned in the webinar recordings below are no longer active.

Summary

Here are the top takeaways from The Dignity Index: A Research-Based Guide to Better Conversations:

The Dignity Index is an 8-point scale that scores language – not people – from contempt to dignity.

Tami Pyfer explained that the scale runs from 1 (dehumanizing language) to 8 (treating everyone with inherent worth). At a 5 – the entry point into dignity – you acknowledge that someone you disagree with has the right to their opinion and the right to be heard. Moving up means finding shared values (6), openly engaging with disagreements (7) and ultimately treating all people with dignity regardless of conflict (8). Because the scale scores speech and mindset (and not people), anyone can score differently across different conversations throughout the day. The tool has found a particularly enthusiastic audience among people engaged in local civic life – mayors, city council members, civic leaders and school board representatives, many of whom have sought out UNITE’s workshops specifically to apply it in their community roles. Watch at 07:30

The index is grounded in decades of social science and real-world conflict resolution research.

The work draws on Harvard professor Arthur Brooks’ research on contempt in public life; the work of relationship researchers John and Julie Gottman, who found contempt to be the top predictor of divorce; and international conflict mediator Dr. Donna Hicks, who facilitated dialogues in South Africa, Cambodia, South America and with Bishop Desmond Tutu in Northern Ireland. Hicks found that even one small gesture of dignity from one side can profoundly shift a conversation. Watch at 16:21

A Utah pilot revealed that the most powerful use of the Index is applying it to yourself.

When the team pilot-tested the Dignity Index, three things stood out: The tool proved reliable across people with very different backgrounds and political views; participants were more interested in applying it to workplaces, school systems and community organizations than to politics; and most powerfully, people wanted to turn the lens inward. Pyfer calls this the “mirror effect.” Once you score your own language, you recognize contempt patterns you may not have noticed – and that awareness creates the agency to change. This resonates especially for people in civic roles. Pyfer herself held local and state elected office, including a seat on the Utah State Board of Education, and drew directly on that experience in developing the tool. She noted that a mayor friend keeps the Dignity Index card on her desk and has asked her staff to hold her accountable to it – a practical example of how civic leaders are putting it to work. Watch at 18:21

The 2026 Dignity Barometer survey revealed a striking “dignity gap” – and genuine reasons for hope.

The survey found that 94% of Americans believe everyone deserves to be treated with dignity, yet only 31% think people are actually being treated that way – a 63-point gap Pyfer calls the dignity gap. Other findings: 92% said treating someone with dignity builds trust; 89% said it’s important to keep listening even in disagreement; and respondents’ personal sense of their ability to improve the culture rose by 9 points just from completing the 20-minute survey. Crucially, responses were consistent across party lines, with Democrats, Republicans and Independents aligning on these core values. When asked who is responsible for societal divisions, “all of us” ranked among the top answers – which Pyfer called hopeful, because it means everyone can be part of the solution. Watch at 33:38

When conversations heat up, practical dignity strategies can de-escalate and rebuild connection.

Using a heated PTA meeting as an example, Pyfer walked through the following strategies:

• Find shared ground first. Name what everyone has in common before diving into disagreement (e.g., “We all love this school”).
• Be curious, not furious. Replace “Why would you do that?” with “Tell me more about that” – a phrase Pyfer recommends keeping “in your pocket.”
• Regulate, then debate. A few deep breaths scientifically resets your stress response and helps you respond rather than react.
• Listen to understand, not to respond. Resist the urge to prepare a rebuttal while the other person is still talking.
• Challenge ideas, not people. Hold your principles firmly while staying open to the perspective behind a different view.
• Give the benefit of the doubt. If a group starts demonizing someone not present, gently note that person may have valid reasons.
• It’s OK to pause. Saying “I’m not ready to have this conversation right now” is fine – as long as you commit to a specific follow-up time.

These strategies apply wherever civic conversations happen – a PTA meeting, a town council session, a planning commission hearing or a neighborhood association. The common thread, Pyfer said, is showing up with the intention to understand before you respond. She was also clear that none of this means backing down from what you believe: “We don’t want you to give up your principles. We don’t want you to give up your passions. Hold tight to those.” The goal is to challenge ideas, not people – because that, she said, is what makes democracy work. The Founding Fathers were challenging ideas. We can do the same, as long as we separate the idea from the person behind it. Watch at 27:08

Webinar resources

• Get more information about The Dignity Index, including videos, practice activities and resources.
• Review the full Dignity Barometer findings and explore ways to engage.
• Request a physical copy of the Dignity Index card by emailing [email protected] with your name and mailing address.
• Learn more about Citizen Travelers.

Speaker

 
Tami Pyfer
Chief Impact Officer, UNITE, and Co-Founder of The Dignity Index 

Host

Janice Brunner
Group General Counsel, Head of Civic Engagement and Corporate Affairs, Travelers